dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
