fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
