How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
