what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize