your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
