I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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