Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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