My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
