I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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