i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
