I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
