hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i think i have herpe
just one?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize