ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
