it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
