We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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