True but thats because hes a fetus.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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