I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
