McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
