You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
