He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
