Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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