I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
