she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
you made out with another girl for some wings
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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