you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
