Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
