just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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