In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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