Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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