I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
