My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
