I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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