I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
