i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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