alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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