Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
