have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
