It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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