Already got asked if we're dating
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
