it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
