I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
