you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
