i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My boob is missing a layer of skin
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
