So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We're too hungover to prance.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
