The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize