Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
