he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
