...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
