We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
