I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
