I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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