According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
