she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize