I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
