Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
