If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
