If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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