I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
