I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This is my gift to your gina
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
