I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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