I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I will pee on everything he values.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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