I want to have your abortion
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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