i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
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