girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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