So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
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