would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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