I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
