On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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