Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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