Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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