please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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