New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
