Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I AM VODKA MAN
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
