i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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