so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
